Becoming polyamorous is more than just getting more dates. It has serious global effects over your life. Most of them are great, some are less so. I present to you, a list! (Yeah, I have a thing for those.)

 

You Live by the Calendar – There’s no doubt about it, the more people you want in your life, the more work you need to do around schedules. I’ve become so much more efficient this way, it’s great. I get more things done, I (try to) work hard and schedule play time just as well. Nothing and no one gets left behind! I even schedule dead-time in case we wanna get spontaneous. Partially kidding here. I’m not that a-strict follower of the schedule, but it definitely has improved my general productivity.

 

You Get More Noms – Food is fun. I like making it, sharing it, playing with it, eating it. If I know I have an extra guest for dinner, I am far less lazy and get more yummy things done. Cooking together also becomes quicker with at least three pairs of hands. And there is at least one extra family involved, so when they bring tasty delicacies from the bakery or from some trip, you get to share in it too. Nom Nom!

 

You Can’t Follow the Logic of Romantic Comedies – Seriously, why does he have to choose between one of his sweethearts when obviously they could get along just great all three (or more) of them? Besides, worries about finding “the one” make so much less sense. You love each other? Great! S\he’s not perfect? Who is? Enjoy them while you do, add more if you feel like it!

 

You Appreciate your Partner\s More – I look at him, at what we have between us, and I feel so incredibly lucky. Who else can I share all my stories with, consult and complain about my dates? Who else can I count on to be there for me? He let our relationship grow and develop to these new directions, he keeps teaching me and learning with me. Even if things are off, we can always find our balance again.

 

You Learn to Talk – I used to write things to CK when things felt off. Nowadays, I don’t do that. Not because everything’s perfect 100% of the time, no. But because I’ve learned to say it. Talking about our other relationships helps us both look at our own connection more calmly and objectively. We take criticism better, we talk about problems closer to when they arise. We also appreciate each other more, and say it to each other more often. <3

 

You Don’t Want to Visit your Mom – My mom knows about the fact that we’re poly. I told her when I was dating my now-ex for a couple months or so. I sent her links, I explained that my connection with CK is actually better than ever, I asked to bring them both over for the weekend. She didn’t get it. Something along the lines of “Don’t bring your strange flings to my place!” It’s a weekend, we all have free time to spend together, why would I want to visit you if you prevent me from hanging with my boys, ALL (both) of them? I didn’t tell her that, and it was only CK and I there for the weekend. Some things you just have to bear with family, ugh.

 

You Stay in Shape – Maybe that has less to do with polyamory and more with the general place I’m at, but it sure helps! Being in better shape makes me feel good about myself, and I’m more comfortable reaching out to the pretty people. I get more partners who can help me keep the training schedule by joining some part of it (also making it an “us” time). Not to mention, when I’m in good shape sex is more fun too! I’m more flexible, have better stamina and leg power… I’ll leave the details to your imagination. ;)

 

You have more\less Sex – That’s ambiguous isn’t it? Well, it can go either way really. Not everyone’s ready for action the moment you see them. Sometimes it’s the person who’s far away that wants you, and the person you’re with is just too spent, preoccupied or just not in the mood. Other times the very existence of the new\other person\s makes everyone more horny and willing in general. You might get so active during one week that you’re forced to take a week or a few days off just to allow your body some rest…

 

You Understand those Frustrated Singles – Intentionally looking for someone awesome to share your life with can get really tiring! Has the online dating scene got more frustrating since I left it, or is it just me? Maybe things are different because of the age difference? Could be that people are more stuck in their ways and less open for change and chance? Curious. Not fun, but interesting.

 

You’re less\more Lonely – Having more people in your life might just lead to greater extremes. Feeling detached but everyone’s too busy to pay any attention to me? I feel all the more disconnected and sunk in my hole. Managed to get everyone to hang out together? The excitement and thankfulness can get painfully amazing.

 

The World is your Oyster – I walk the streets and see a world of possibilities. This guy? I can flirt if I wanted. I might like what I hear and arrange a date, and I might just enjoy some random banter. Someone’s checking me out? Cool, cool. CK always feels proud when he hears that people noticed me. I can talk to anyone and choose whatever level of interaction I want. It’s so freeing! I love that feeling…

 

So these were some of the things I noticed so far. I don’t at all mean to say “this is polyamory for everyone”. It’s just me, at this point in time. Others might have different rules, different constellations, different feelings. What has polyamory changed or added to your life? Let me know in the comments!